I discussed this recently on ‘Love and Bugs’, the weekly radio on ABC Darwin’s Evening with Dinushi Dias.
The world around us feels like it is growing crazier with more out of control behaviour, and this growing lack of respect has drawn lots of comments and media attention.
What is RESPECT?
Respect is recognizing that someone has value and treating that person accordingly, and this includes yourself.
Respect affects how others feel about us and has the power to change the course of our lives. If we do not have respect for family, peers, authority or ourselves, it is almost impossible to build relationships and succeed.
Respect is earned one decision at a time. While it could be argued that our positions, titles, financial situations and social connections contribute to the respect others have for us, true respect is earned through consistency, kindness, fairness and integrity. If those who know us best respect us the most, we know we are doing well.
I was asked this question on the radio segment: “How do you increase the level of respect towards others?”
How do we increase respect? I believe it starts with actions in alignment with this quote from William Ury, in his book ‘The Third Side’:
“Human beings have a host of emotional needs – for love and recognition, for belonging and identity, for purpose and meaning to life. If all these needs had to be subsumed in one word, it might be respect.”
Respect is an attitude that we choose and it is the ultimate requirement in any relationship. We can make a decision to respect others, regardless of whether or not we like, agree, approve of, understand or relate to another person or culture.
Respect is more than just our words. It is also expressed and detected by others through our internal thoughts about someone that play out in our minds, in our tone of voice, in our body language and facial expression when we are with them or thinking of them.
Every person wants to feel respected, regardless of their age, nationality or gender. Even a young child takes notice and reacts to feeling disrespected. It’s not just something we want or desire, but it is a God-given need that every soul has been created with.
How do we live from a place of respect for others?
• Respect can be shown in simple ways such as being polite, speaking kindly to those who are providing a service to us, holding doors open for others or letting people merge into traffic, to name a few.
• Perhaps the more powerful ways to show respect are by listening, honouring, encouraging and giving credit to others.
How do we earn respect?
• True respect is earnt through consistency of behaviour, kindness, fairness and integrity.
• Knowing that our behaviour toward others, lines up with who we say we are.
We have looked at respect for others, and how we earn respect. Also, I wonder how does self-respect play out in your life?
• Respect is something we earn for ourselves. As well as an attitude we have towards others, it is also an attitude we can, and should have for ourselves.
• Self-respect involves living by our principles, setting healthy boundaries for others and taking responsibility for our relationships and decisions.
• Many people struggle to have a healthy, respectful view of themselves, thinking it is prideful, but it’s not pride. Self-respect starts with true humility, which is an honest estimation of our strengths and weaknesses. It is furthered by guarding our thoughts and words about ourselves and rejecting those that are untrue and harmful.
What are some things you can do to practice self-respect? • Stay true to yourself.
• Set standards for yourself and boundaries for others. • Do not allow yourself to be persuaded or manipulated to make decisions that go against your principles, regardless of the pressure you feel or the perceived reward to be gained if you do.
• Keep your integrity intact. Do not say or do things that go against your personal values system. Do not allow others to push you into behaving in a manner that is less than what they believe to be right.
So, how do we change the environment that we get to influence? It always starts with us.
TRY THIS
1. Practice the golden rule. Speak and behave towards others in the same manner that you would like for them to speak and behave towards you. Discipline yourself to consider others feelings before you make your choices
and practice fairness. Avoid embarrassing, insulting or belittling others and their culture.
2. Approach difficult situations with humility. Take control of your pride and be willing to be the peacemaker. Do not allow your degree of kindness or the way you serve other people to be affected by their title, position, or what they could do for you.
3. Listen to what others have to say. Give your full attention to people when they are speaking. Do not interrupt, judge or make negative faces or gestures. Listen to understand rather than listening to argue or defend.
4. Be polite. Make a focused effort to remain polite especially when you are frustrated, angry, or in a hurry with someone who tries your patience.
5. Stay true to yourself. Set standards for yourself and boundaries for others. Do not allow yourself to be persuaded or manipulated to make decisions that go against your principles regardless of the pressure you feel or the perceived reward to be gained if you do.
Why?– “Each moment, each person is sacred and worthy of respect – especially you” Amy Leigh Mercree
“You Matter, Each Person Matters, but it always starts with us; that’s what respect is.”
Wendy Burns
